Of course, I needed one
more thing to add to my stress level. My
car started making a strange racket. I
need this car. I didn’t have time for a
car to be out of commission. I sure didn’t
have the financial resources to completely replace my transmission. Of course, that’s what I imagined in my crazy
stressed out head. A small clatter turned
into my transmission completely dropping out of my car…in my imagination. Not the good kind of imagination that SpongeBob
sings about while forming a rainbow over his head. The bad kind of imagination that Murphy’s
Law talks about: if anything can go wrong, it will. It can. It should. At the most inopportune
time. And it will be all your fault. And
everyone will know it.
It was stupid on our part
to not plan for a transmission completely crashing but we didn’t. My stress level was exaggerated beyond even
my imagination. I had to get books, a
drug screen, and a background check for my next clinical site. And to top it all off, I had abandoned the
treadmill. Who
could exercise at a time like that? My mountain
of stress was building. But on Sunday
morning, in the midst of my self-created chaos, my phone rang. It was my brother. My brother rarely calls me. Texts, Facebook – yes, but a phone call? Rarely.
He started the conversation with a quiver in his voice, “I don’t have
good news, Wendy.” Just great, I remember thinking. But no, he was right. He didn’t have good news. He might as well have called me at 2 in the morning. It felt like that kind of call.
And in that instant, I
remember thinking, “you are an idiot, Wendy.” I hung up the phone and cried for
my brother and his family. Years ago,
when we lost Jonah, I remember understanding what it means to be grateful for
everything. Everything. It can be ripped from you so quickly. I remember not sweating the trivial things. There were real tribulations out there – I was
going through the largest of those when I held my child as he took his last
breath and as we had to see him lying in his casket. My prayers were simple
then – God, you get me through this, and I’ll be able to get through anything. Four and a half years later, I
still have to vocally remind myself of that.
I still forget.
I can’t remember the
exact quote or who said it but I have to remind myself – the things you take
for granted someone else is praying for. And one of my personal favorites is an
Indian proverb, “I cried because I had no shoes, then I met a man who had no
feet.” Yes, many people would love my
simple stress. It took one phone call
for me to remember to give it all to God.
He carries our burdens for us. I
sought out 1 Peter 5:7. Cast all your anxiety
on him because he cares for you.
I had to look at my
instruction manual to ease my crazy mind.
P.S. It never was the
transmission. It had something to do
with a “belt.” Cost us a miniscule amount to fix.
