No one ever said this journey was easy. Difficult, at times, but well worth every second.
I checked B into an inpatient mental hospital on Friday. I had regret. I worried that we were wrong. Could he just be rebellious? Could we continue trying with him? When I dropped him off, I was told it would take up to four hours to evaluate him and determine if he could be admitted. I left and waited. At almost 7 last night, they called to tell he was admitted to acute rehab. They stopped just shy of calling him a sociopath. You did the right thing, was the last thing I was told.
What some people may have thought they knew about B, you never knew.
B is tormented by things beyond our control. He just turned 9. I think it's unfair to simply label him and toss him to the wolves. He needs help and I'm making certain that he gets it. Love and stability could not save B. He is a master at his illness. We've struggled with it. We've ignored the warning signs. We've disciplined him accordingly. We could no longer allow the other 3 children in our home to watch B self-destruct. It is what it is and it had to be done - that phone call confirmed to us that these measures had to be taken. I don't know if B will ever come back to us. I don't know if B can ever function as normal thriving citizen of society. I can't exactly say what his future holds but for now, we have to step away from him.
We have learned a hard truth in this journey: love can't heal everything.
I do know that last night our home was at peace. It was comfortable and we could relax. It was normal. His name wasn't mentioned. In two weeks, he'll move to a permanent facility to complete his rehab. He'll be further away from us, and we'll be asked then to make our decision. Be a part or walk away. We haven't even discussed it yet. B made it very clear to me as he was leaving that he didn't like me, then he turned and told me he loved me. I am allowed to call and speak him to him but have no plans to do that. They said last night that he misses me tremendously. However, he's manipulative. He'll say anything for me to pick him up. I'm standing my ground. This isn't about me or Jason or our family ~ this is only about B getting the help he needs and deserves. I'm angry at the adults that did this to him. Furious. It isn't his fault but it has to be corrected for him to have any chance at normalcy.
Pray for B.
This is a lesson I had to learn the hard way at Boys Town. You can't discipline, love, or reason some of these sweet kids out of their own minds... they have just been programmed a certain way, and often there seems to be no undoing it. It is maddening and so sad for them, and it made me feel like a failure. How wonderful for you to be affirmed. You DID do the right thing. That doesn't make it easy. Keep up the great work.
ReplyDeleteI am so sad and so angry at he same time. My heart breaks for him. I wanted so badly for him to find happiness and healing in the only home that had ever shown him love. I wanted for him to be able to lock the old hurts and memories into a distant recess of his mind and then never reopen it. I wanted for him to be washed in love by your family, and be changed by it. My heart aches that it won't happen. I am livid at the people who brought him to this moment of seperation from you, Jason and the kids. Those people can't begin to understand that they didn't just mistreat B, and hurt B, but that they changed WHO HE IS. They robbed him of any chance of a normal life, in a a normal home, with a normal family. I pray that in the hands of the just God, that He will pay them back ten-fold for the harm they have dealt B. My heart also breaks for you and your family. You've been through so much, and you tried so hard to make this work--to save B from his past, and his tortured soul. I'm so sorry you had to make this impossible decision, but know that you did the right thing. You had to decide what is best for yourselves and your other children. I am continuing to pray for B and for all of you. I love you! --CBrown
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