Today....

Where to even start?  These days are never good for me.  The days when the memories are crystal clear.  I cried on and off all day and am getting particularly good about hiding it.  On these days, I try my hardest to focus on what I need to be thankful for.  I’m thankful that I met Jonah.  It should have never happened. Dr. Michi shook his head and told me point blank – he didn’t know how Jonah was here.  No matter how short our days were together, many parents never get a day.  They never see their child wiggle, open their eyes, pucker their lips, and smile.  They never touch their pink skin or feel the warmth of their breath.  I’m thankful for the amazing miracle I witnessed.  Many times in my life, I have jokingly said, “it’s a miracle!” Or we’ve praised God for a miracle that we witnessed from a distance via friends and family.  I touched a miracle.  I held a miracle.  I’m thankful for God’s healing.  I know that’s shocking for a grieving mother to say.  God healed Jonah.  He didn’t heal him the way I had asked, night after night, in my prayers.  But He healed Jonah. On our last night, I asked for God’s will to be done in Jonah’s life and I begged him for a healing, regardless of the manner (it was the most unselfish moment in my life.)  I never even fell asleep after prayers before I was told to come hold him.  Jonah’s heart is completely whole now.  And for that, I am thankful.  I’m thankful for all the people Jonah brought into my life and for the friendship’s he solidified.  Forever and always, I will be grateful for the many people that were there for us, at all hours. 

I was reading a story, about a child asking his father, after the death of a young relative, why good people die too soon in their life.  The father made a sweet point. He said “son, if you were looking at a field of flowers, you’d only pick the prettiest ones.”

God bless you all and thank you for the support these past 5 years.